You won't write me into your book of truth. Head down to the dentist, yeah, he gonna pull a tooth. You won't write me into your book of life. Nana no no no no make-a-you my wife. You won't write me into your book of fate, Head down to the bus stop, baby don't be late Girl, don't you write me into your book of woe, I'm just a poor boy got no place to go. You won't write me into your book of truth, Head down to the dentist, man, he gotta pull a tooth. You won't write me into your book of fate, Down to the Dr's office, and baby don't you be late! You won't write me into your book of lies I'm a [???] don't you realize? Girl won't write me into your book of nice Ain't got no [???] -ice You won't write me into your book of lies, I'm your man now, don't you realize? Girl don't you write me into your book of truth, Headin' down to the dentist, yeah, he gonna pull a tooth. Girl don't you write me into your book of crime, I got no alibi, I got no sense of time. Girl don't you write me into your book of lies, You know I'm your big man, don't you realize? Don't you write me into your book of words, ...aahh, la la la, ain't got na na birds. Girl, don't you write me into your book of now, Ahhh, I'm comin' down on the god-damn side of town! Don't you write me into your book of truth, Take me to the dentist, gotta pull a tooth! SOLO: Etc.

Dr. come by for to saw my bones. Tell him "Never mind, buddy, just a'walk on home." Dr. come by for to saw my bones, Said "Never mind, buddy, just a'walk on home. DR: Well, your horse is dead and you're gettin' mighty old. NARR: Aw, hell no! I said, hell no! Told ya, hell no! DR: God dammit! NARR: Yeah! Whoa! Dr. don't tell nobody what to do!

She's a hot, hot, hot, hot toddy. She's the girl what brung the party. I'm a'sittin' at the bus stop with my Bicardi Cuz she's hot - a hot, hot toddy. She's a hot, hot hot....hot, hot toddy. She's the girl what crashed the party. I'm a'sittin' in the graveyard with my biscotti Cuz she's hot - a hot, hot toddy. DUET: Trombones Yeah! She's a hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot toddy. Now the girl has left the party. Now I'm ROTTING IN HELL suckin' on gelati Cuz she's hot - a hot, hot toddy. SOLO: Electric guitar

Well, I come home from work to see your shoes on the floor, Put my top hat and cane in the bucket by the door. And I walk into the kitchen and flip on the light, Saxophone playin' softy in this dank, shitty night. Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck don't like to be touched Like to be touched Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck don't like to be touched Don't touch that duck Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck don't like to be touched He don't like to be touched I pour myself another gimlet, Put the hi-fi on low. Leafin' through the reviews of our final tap-dancing show. Baby, when you left me You forgot your duck and shoes. The duck don't like to be touched, And neither did you. Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck don't like to be touched (Like to be touched) Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck don't like to be touched Don't touch that duck Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck (Don't) Duck don't like to be touched He don't like to be touched Don't touch that duck

I'm a man. A man with a boat. I made land on a sunny beach, and I consequently shed my coat. Mmm, hmmm. Mmm, hmm hmm. But as soon as I got myself a'warm on the sand, I hear that other shore callin' my name. Found myself caught between ah, two ladies and I don't know what the hell I should do. I was layin' low on the dumpster floor when the Sex Barge ran aground. I was layin' low on the dumpster floor when the SEX BARGE ran around. Found myself caught between ah, two ladies and I don't know what the hell I should do. I'm a man - yeah - a man. Drivin' his boat to one shore. Hear that other shore callin' my name. Found myself caught between ah, two ladies and I don't know what the hell I should do.

I wake up every mornin' with a curse and a frown, Take that first train to Compton to the Compton side o' town. Lord knows where I'll be when the rapture come around - Death by the bible, or mechanical hound, yeah! On my lunch break with a bitch and a moan, Put my sandwich down, pick up that telephone. Boss-man wanna know why I got my head in the sand, Ah, just the life of a company man, yeah! Tell ya little story 'bout the birds and the bees, Ooh, Mr. Milkman, no more cheese. Ain't no 2-person horse suit got no bulletproof vest, So look out for #1 and yeah, to hell with the rest, yeah! Now listen: Old Man Wilson had two bum knees, So he sat out on the front porch catchin' the breeze. One day he bust the barn door open, whaddya think he seen? His bride hangin' dry from the milkin' machine - GUITAR SOLO: Electric guitar

I shoulda told you so long ago Cuz it's wrong, so wrong that you don't know. But it was hard, hard to find the words to say, Keep you from packin' your bags and movin' away: I'm Willie Nelson I'm Willie Nelson I'm Willie Nelson, yeah, I'm Willie Nelson. I'm Willie Nelson that's right I'm Willie Nelson tonight Well, who else am I, if I'm not really Willie Nelson? I was born young, but I grew up fast. I know all your friends tell you I'm a snake in your grass, But when the moon turns red, and the dead start to rise, Well, I'll just take off the disguise: I'm Willie Nelson I'm Willie Nelson I'm Willie Nelson, yeah, I'm Willie Nelson. I'm Willie Nelson, that's right I'm Willie Nelson tonight Well, who else am I, if I'm not really Willie Nelson?

A mule is bobbing its head to the beat. Time was I knew a mule What dealt/caused me hard times. Down by the ol' water mill, She weren't no friend of mine. Nasty mule's a shameless mess, Yeah, sneak-a-peak up the farmer's daughter's dress. Seen her flip the bird my way, That mule ain't no good, yeah, it's sad to say. Time was I was a fool, Time was, I knew a mule. A mule is stomping its hoof to the beat Headin' down to the farmer's barn Where the mules go bobbing their heads in the water trough A mule is swishing its tail to the beat Headin' down to the farmer's barn Where the mules go bobbing their heads in the water trough SOLO: space harmonica SOLO: stomphorn SOLO: 8-bit patch SOLO: oscillator SOLO: finger piano A mule is hauling its plow to the beat Headin' down to the farmer's barn Where the mules go bobbing their heads in the water trough A mule is rearin' up spooked to the beat Headin' down to the farmer's barn Where the mules go bobbing their heads in the water trough A mule is chomping a carrot to the beat Headin' down to the farmer's barn Where the mules go bobbing their heads in the water trough A mule is wearing a straw hat to the beat Headin' down to the farmer's barn And I remember when the winter came, We'd burrow ourselves together underneath the hay, The bitter country wind sneakin' into our stable bay. Yeah, that barn door latch never did hold quite tight, But at least we held each other, and that's alright. And if that barnyard slut don't sing, Go and get the milkmaid to do her thing. And if this mule life gets you down, You can go and watch the weather vane spinnin' round. A mule is spinning its records to the beat. A mule is wearing sunglasses to the beat. A mule is singing down low to the beat. A mule is lookin' you over to the beat. A mule is doin' yo-yo tricks to the beat. A mule is watching MSNBC to the beat. A mule is stealing your oats to the beat. A mule is ringing your doorbell to the beat. A mule is defecating inappropriately to the beat. A mule is winking rudely at your aunt to the beat. A mule is taking hard drugs to the beat. A mule is posing as a policeman to the beat. A mule is rubbing its penis on your car to the beat. A mule is rapping about Batman to the beat. A mule is blowin' on a jug. Hey, yakkin' on the phone! A mule is standin' there doin' NOTHIN.

[UNCLE TUB] Well, you ain't got to read your bible to know, No, you ain't got to read your bible to know, There's sinners most everywhere you go. Well, there's amoral women shoppin' at the mall In their trendy kitten heels, shoppin' at the mall. Underneath them leggings, they ain't wearin' nothin' at all! And they're a-gabbin' at the salon where they get their nails done, They get their nethers waxed and put they hair up in a bun. Ah, they just goin' out to have a bit o' fun! And you'll see them at the club tonight, rollin' in the mud, They're stranglin' the christ child, rollin' in the mud. Oh, you better listen to your Uncle Tub! Well, you ain't got to read your bible to know, No, you ain't got to read your bible to know, There's sinners most everywhere you go. And the Dr. wields his stethoscope, and it's cold against your chest. He listens real hard, and it's cold against your chest. Aww, Dr., when ya gonna give that shit a rest?? For he can purge a foul humor, and excise a cancer too. He can remove an inflamed spleen, and excise a cancer too. Aww, but he can't get the devil outta you! SOLO: Electric guitars [UNCLE TUB] I'm gonna tell you one more time, now: [UNCLE BUCKET] You tell us, Tub. [UNCLE TUB] Well, you ain't got to read your bible to know, [UNCLE BUCKET] What's that you say? [UNCLE TUB] No, you ain't got to read your bible to know, [UNCLE BUCKET] Heh, heh, heh. [UNCLE TUB] There's sinners most everywhere you go. [UNCLE BUCKET] Well, they call me Uncle Bucket Put your balls in my top. You know I'm Uncle Bucket Out my mouth they gonna pop. Go on, put your balls in my top. That's right I'm Uncle Bucket, and we all gonna run. Lord knows I'm Uncle Bucket, and I'm buckets of fun. Straight to hell we gonna run. Hell yes, I'm Uncle Bucket Balls is poppin' out my mouth Sure as shit I'm Uncle Bucket, A ball is what I'm all about Them balls is poppin' out my mouth, A ball is what I'm all about, Them balls is poppin' out my mouth [BYSTANDER] Oh, tell me, Uncle!!

Something about horses, who knows.

Bear-proof bee house, whoa! Bear-proof bee house, whoa! Bear-proof bee house, whoa! Bear-proof bee house, whoa! Bear-proof bee house, whoa! Bear-proof bee house, whoa! Bear-proof bee house, whoa! Bear-proof bee house, whoa!

(Instrumental)

(Instrumental)

Don't ask me if I'm ashamed. Don't ask me if I need free range. Girl, you ain't gotta use no force Cuz I'm proud, of course. Don't ask me if I wanna run a'field no more. Just put that ol'feedbag over my face - I'm a whore. Well girl, you ain't gotta use no force Cuz I'm proud, of course I'm proud, of course I'm sure as shit proud to be your horse.